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I often hear from wives who are experiencing quite conflicting feelings after their husband has come home from a trial separation. Often, they are so relieved that he has finally decided to return home because this is what they have been hoping for all along. But, despite this, they are sometimes confused as to what happens now. Part of the time, they don’t really want to dwell on what went wrong, but they often have nagging doubts that the problems that lead to the separation in the first place never truly went away.
I heard from a wife who said: “during the whole time that my husband was gone for our trial separation, I used to pray every night that he would come home the next day. And this finally happened, but now I’m not sure what to do. He’s home, but we’re kind of starting at each other and feeling one another out. It doesn’t feel entirely comfortable or right. In fact, there are times that things feel downright awkward. I’m wondering if I should once again push for us to go to counseling. I just want for things to work out this time. Because if he were to leave again, I’m not sure if I could handle it. So what should we be doing right now? Because I don’t want to do anything wrong.”
My first bit of advise to this wife was to just try to relax. Her husband coming back home was an absolutely wonderful thing. But she was so worried about what she should or should not be doing that she couldn’t focus on anything but her worry. And this dynamic wasn’t all that great for her marriage either. So in the following article, I’ll tell you (from my own experience) what I believe is the best course of action when your husband returns home after a trial separation.
Try To Demonstrate How Much His Returning Home Means To You, But Don’t Apply Too Much Pressure: It’s normal to be ecstatic that he has finally come home. And there is nothing wrong with allowing him to see how happy and excited you are. But, at the same time, you don’t want to imply that your work is finished. You don’t want to make him feel so much pressure that he’s afraid to tell the truth about his feelings for fear of hurting you again.
You are going for a combination of genuine happiness coupled with the truth which is that you likely still have a good deal of work to do and a great deal of improvement that is not only possible, but also necessary.
Understand That His Coming Home Might Be Just The Beginning: I am not trying to detract from your happiness and excitement. But there is a real risk in becoming complacent and believing that your work is done once you have finally lured him home. Since he has not been living with you, it’s a fairly likely that you didn’t have … Read More
Once upon time, in a quiet village, stood a small bungalow, which suffered from neglect because its owners didn’t have any money to maintain it properly. A sign "for sale" had been standing in the front garden for a very long time, but nobody was interested since the bungalow was of very modern design, which was a sharp contrast to the rest of the historic village. Day after day the wood rotted away and nature slowly took over the garden, until only a complete make-over could help the bungalow to survive…
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